When it is still the right word

It was just too great, I was at a loss for words.

I found out, only my tears could carry its substance,

and I could only be appeased through silent prayers.

Pain is not the right word but something more than that.

It was deep, dull and numbing.

Sometimes, it could be very sharp

that I didn't even notice I was broken into pieces.

No, pain isn't the right word.

All I knew was it was too great, I looked okay.

It started the morning after that one fine day,

when I knew I had to start facing atypical days

'cause you're no longer in it.

Every dream I had wafted away, deferred.

It crushed me or something more than that.

It was too unbearable that it kindled a fire of hope in me.

I suddenly felt that God's eyes were on me, on us,

and He knew my heart, your heart.

Then it dawned on me what word I was looking for.

I guess, I just had it in another form, but still...

love is the right word.