Rock Bottom

That night, I was crying my heart out. 

All there was was darkness, and cold rocks, and dead ends. For the first time in my life, I was sure I had hit the rock bottom. It felt like life was slowly being pulled out of me. Pain was brimming in my heart. It was akin to dying.

I grieved until my eyes went swollen, my cheeks wet, and my lips salty. Exhausting. I shook my head. I didn't want to stop. No. I didn't want to, until I turned my head and saw Him. 

I saw Jesus. He, who had a crown of thorns. He, who was almost drowned by the pool of his own blood. Jesus was defaced inside and out.

I looked closely. Jesus' face was a taut mask of pain, yet when his eyes met mine I felt the warmth of His love in my heart. Then I saw his dried lips parting, then muttering, "Elaine, I am with you in this suffering."

One Rainy Night

Cry with me, O moon

amid this drear starless night.

Breathe it out like the furious wind,

shout as loud as the roaring thunder,

flood this earth with tears.

The nature would understand us.

This world is diseased beyond all healing.

It isn't as peaceful as we are in reverie.

We will always be bombed with insults,

burnt alive with hate,

and destroyed by pain.

It will always try to mar our beauty.

So let's grieve tonight for all that we've lost.

And when our eyes bring tears no more,

our mouths already parched,

and our hearts weary,

we will lay down to rest.

We will lay down to rest.

Not the same as before

That space was left empty long enough for her not to be afraid of losing.

Its emptiness has become part of her body rhythm.

She used to be happy merely with waking up in the morning,
and remembering that somebody loves her.

When everything turned uncontrollably otherwise,
that happiness melted and evaporated to thin air.

She was left wounded and bled almost to death,
yet she stood up and regained strength.

Slowly, she saw what has always been there for her.

She felt the warmth of sunrays on her face,
she recognized the fragrance of flowers,
and she saw promising hope in the sky.

Certainly, everything changed.

It's just his world changed first.

That space filled with the old, dependent and feeble kind of happiness
was replaced with an impenetrable and indestructible one.

She's free.

She's happier.

She's tougher.

She's wiser.

She's gonna be great.

She's me.