Are you okay?

Are you okay?

It's fine if you're not.

Really, it's fine. 

Don't worry about me, or about what I'll think of you.

I understand you, somehow. 

If you think you're weak, well, I can't say you're wrong.

We have moments of weakness, even the bravest soldier does.

What matters is that you're trying, trying to make things go well for you, 

to be happy, to be grateful, to be busy, to be, yeah, okay.

But of course, we can get tired from trying. 

When good things haven't pervaded your insides yet, it won't be easy.

It won't be natural. Not yet.

And it will always sap out your energy.

It does, for now.

So I tell you again. 

It's fine if you're not feeling positive today, or this minute, or this hour.

Probably it's about time that you rest, that you stop trying for a while. 

Feel the pain, or loneliness, or yearning
or whatever it is that's leaving your equilibrium askew. 

Allow me to sit with you while you let the feeling sink into you again,
back around your system.

Feel it. 

Bask in its exotic beauty, for there's beauty even in disarray.

Dwell on it until you have enough.

Then release that scream that's long been pent-up in you. 

Open yourself up to that steam that's been billowing in your chest. 

Let out the words you've so long forgotten
but have buried at the back of your head.

Free yourself, my friend.

Empty yourself of these destructible things you don't deserve.

Let it all out.

You'll know when you're done.

You'll know it when you're already empty enough to receive good things again.

You'll know it when you're ready to try again,
to face another day, to fight again.

You'll know it when you've loosened your grip
on the thorns that have been keeping you wounded.

By then, I'll be happy to ask you again,
 when I know you can already genuinely say,
you're okay.

Off the Cliff

I've reached the edge, at last!

I used to be afraid of falling,

but I am now in a point

where I can care no longer

about where the wind would take me

or if I'd die or survive with broken bones.

I just want to get away from here,

from this beautifully ruined place,

from the memories embedded

up to its dust and ashes.

This place has died long ago.

No more green leaves or tall trees,

no more clean air or water,

no more warmth in houses,

no more hope nor love.

But there's another place,

another side, another destiny,

waiting for me.

Is it down there?

Then I would have to fall

and get hurt.

However, if it's that one across,

then God would surely make me fly.

Nevertheless, one thing is for sure,

I've reached the edge, at last!

It's time to leave everything behind

and step off of the cliff,

with my arms spread like wings,

with my eyes closed,

and finally, with my heart light.

Coldness

I'm embracing this coldness,

such that was brought by the wind

and flowing water.

I want to feel it, keep it,

breathe it in deep in my lungs,

then see it take form out of my breath.

This coldness, that came after 

those painfully hot days

makes me glorious.

Aye, as long as I'm cold, I have glory!

Yet I know that when the time comes

that the chill stays long enough

in my bones, muscles and organs,

the glaring sun would rise

and meet me again,

and bring me new glory.

You are free

You are free.

I'm untying the strings,

and releasing the chains.

I'm spreading my palms,

and loosening my grip.

Step out and see the world!

I'm unlocking the door for you.

It's about time that you get a hold

of that sort of freedom

which you lost and yearned

for a very long time.

The freedom to fly

and look at the world from above

after being caged for eight years.

The freedom to finally swim

the depths of the ocean

after a long period of containment.

The freedom to jump as high as you can!

And jump with others like you

on the endless width of lilies and water.

Ultimately, the freedom to just be 

whoever you want to be.

You are free!

Make good use of it.

Enjoy it. Don't worry!

As I, too, am free.

When things seem to not go your way...

In the last few months, I tried holding everything in my hands. I wanted to make sure that I was using my freedom enough to fulfill my deepest desires. I never dared to waste a single minute of each day. I woke up every morning, wrote my plans for the day, and followed them in every letter. I felt in total control, and thus in total responsibility of my future.

Little by little, I saw my career plans being torn away. I saw how my dreams seemed to become impossible. I held on even to the tiniest spark of hope left in me. I stumbled several times, got frustrated and disappointed, but stood up again.

I'm warning you reader, that this won't end like any other successful stories you may be expecting. Because until now, I can't say that I've already reached my dreams and accomplished my career goals. Worst is, I'm now already shambling to different directions, confused of where the right path is. However, if there's one thing worth telling and sharing about all this, that is - I have learned how to surrender.

I learned that surrendering isn't a sign of weakness, nor of defeat. I realized that it is fine to surrender when you know you've done all you can, and still couldn't win the battle. Moreover, the question of how you surrendered is another thing. Did you just lie yourself there in the battlefield and feigned death? Did you step backward, and just took some time to rest? Or did you press the SOS button, and let your hero win the battle for you?

I loosened my grip and surrendered everything to God. I realized that some things, especially those which I can't control, really do need divine intervention. I realized that there is a God who stays on my side - a God who is far wiser and stronger enough to win any battle; a God who loves me and cares for me than I to myself; a God who always, always has better plans. Now, everything feels lighter. And I appreciate my freedom more than ever.