Keep On Calling

I've begun a morning routine with a special friend.

What we do is have our Verse of the Day - which I pick from my bottle called "Vital Life" - and we reflect on it. Anyone who fails to send a reflection gets a fine of P100. We assigned no particular time; we're OK as long as it is in the morning.

Today, this is what I got from the bottle: "You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you." - Psalm 86:5. As practiced, I took a photo of it and sent it to him.

"It's about God's mercy and love," he messaged. He always goes first. "I was told that the unforgivable sin is not believing in God's forgiveness. My priest said that God loves us even if we are a bit of a joke."

I sent him a big thumbs up, and typed. "Yes. Hahaha." I was thinking, OK. Thanks for that, Lord, because You know, I am actually a big joke.

I was holding Fr. Thomas Green's Darkness in the Marketplace that time, planning to read it. After long days of spiritual dryness, I felt a yearning. A different kind of yearning. For God. And I had to do something about it.

I set the book aside. Now, it was my turn.

"As for me..." I was typing, "I feel spiritually dry most days. I guess it's because I feel sinful. I feel like I do things which I know God won't like." I sent.

Lately, I've been adjusting to heaps of things - family, career, future plans, relationships. I felt like I was not doing most things right. A lot has changed, and I found myself rarely in best disposition.

"But this morning feels different..." I added.

"How so?" he asked.

"'...abounding in love to all who call to you,'" I quoted then, "You know, I pray to God even when I do not feel Him. I know the problem is with me. But this morning, I realized that God's approach to me now is quiet intimacy."

Somehow, I felt that the dryness made my intimacy with Him painful yet more precious to me than before - so precious that I wanted to keep it unsaid, unknown by most people. As much as possible, I just wanted it to be shown in the way I walk, talk, or just be, lest I felt like I would be ruining its true essence.

"I realized that my spirituality does not actually stop from getting deeper, maybe?" I continued, "That there is progress when you keep on praying even when you don't feel Him because somehow, it's like you saying and proving that God is real. That His existence is not based on feelings. He exists even when I do not feel Him." I was internalizing it more as I wrote it.

"It's true," I concluded, "that God's love is abounding to all who call to Him. No matter how sinful you feel you are...just keep on calling, keep on calling, keep on calling. And He'll come to You with outstretched hands."

I guess God likes this morning routine, too.

Trust Me.

Trust me.

Trust me in the stillness of everything.

Where there is calmness and peace, there I am moving.

Feel my presence.

Hear my whispers.

Trust me.

How many times should I prove my love for you?

Embrace this moment's uncertainty,

and have faith in me.

I know your heart.

Just trust me.

I love you, child.

Trust in my heart.

I promise, I have great plans for you.

Know that I've been listening to your prayers,

and I'm working on it.

Trust me.

I Believe in Infinity

At about quarter to 5 in the morning,

I saw the moon and realized 

that it's actually 384,400 kilometers away from the earth.

I then gazed at the black sky that surrounded it,

and marveled at the fact that

I'm actually seeing a glimpse of what is far beyond the earth.

I realized, I was seeing infinity in its concrete form.

I swerved my gaze ahead of me,

and beheld an extension of that same black sky.

I then thought that if I would clear the world

with buildings and anything that obstruct my view ahead,

I'd clearly see infinity not just above me

but around me.

I then woke up from reverie and smiled.

I remembered, infinity is where God is.

What Your Heart Contains

You can command your body through your mind.

You can command your mind through your heart.

Whatever your heart contains can command it.

What can command the heart is whatever it contains.

Through your heart, you can command your mind.

Through your mind, you can command your body.

Pain can either destroy you or make you better

What can pain do to you?
Pain can either destroy you or make you better.

Pain can destroy you if it learns that you don't like it.
You feel it, and it lingers.
You fight it really really hard,
and lose, realizing that it won't go away.
Now you're too weak that pain can envelope your whole being.
It nests within you
that you can't help but let it multiply.
Now, you're still in pain.
It's just that you feel more of it.

Pain can make you better if it learns that you accept it.
You feel it, and it lingers.
You allow yourself to feel it.
You allow it to linger.
Then you let it out,
cry it hard with an inch of pain escaping from every teardrop.
Until you can't cry anymore,
and feel pain no longer.