My Love Prayer

Dearest Lord,

I just want to say thank you for teaching me how to love. I used to know so little about it. I used to think it's a topic so mainstream that I didn't feel like talking, writing or learning about it. Now, I'm submerged in all its essence. Lord, I realized that I cannot hide or run away from love. It's going to chase after me whether I like it or not. Now, I feel like it succumbs my whole being. It deeply hurts, but it's transforming. No wonder why it has this sort of effect - You are love, and love is You.

You know my heart, Lord...so You know that I'm deeply in love. And You know that just as how deep my love is, that's how deep my pain is. I feel so strong, though. I feel so strong because I can't stop loving. I can't stop forgiving. Despite the torturing and persisting pain, I can still find the strength to love. I wonder how strong You are. But probably, You are far stronger; too strong that I won't be able to understand You.

Lord, I honestly think that a love like Yours isn't blinding. Love makes one's eyesight so clear that she can see through her loved one's heart, beyond words and beyond actions - things which others' naked eyes cannot see. So a lover does not give up on her loved one not because she's a fool but because she believes in his goodness. And once seen, there is no way she could "unsee" it. I have just found the reason why others love despite. I'm experiencing it myself. Lord, I've been so bad to You. But is this why You still love me?

I want to ask for Your forgiveness, Lord. I have loved so deep, but there are times when my emotions well up in me that I couldn't help but barf it all out in a projectile motion. I've hurt even my loved one, Lord. It's just that sometimes, I feel like I need him to know that he's hurting me. That he must do something about it. But I'm still sorry for I know I should have done it the right way. Lord, I want to be as patient as You. I want to have a patience so lengthy, I won't see its other end.

Lord, You are all-knowing, all-powerful and all-loving. I am nothing compared to Your magnificence. This is why I am well aware that there are things my love cannot do that only Your love can do. Lord, I know You love him far more than I can...so there's just one thing I fervently wish: Please teach him to love like You do.

Sincerely,

Elaine

I'm in pain.

I'm in pain,

and it's an opportunity.

It's an opportunity to grow in love,

to be stronger,

to be wiser.

I'm in pain,

but I'll be better.

Walking on Thin Ice

You once told me you're walking on thin ice,

but actually we both are.

Not on the same thin ice, though.

Yours, you know, I can do nothing about.

Helpless you are, but mine is you.

You are my thin ice.

Each day, I must be careful not to make a crack.

As much as possible, I should put so light a weight

that must, sometimes, be even lighter than my body weight.

It's exhausting to fight with gravity,

and even more, to walk on your thin ice

when I can actually see the nearby solid ground.

So for several times, I've stumbled.

I've faltered.

I have not just made cracks;

I've made huge holes.

For many times, I've fallen,
submerged in your ice cold river.

I almost died,

caught by your coldness that chilled not just my skin

but everything that's deep beneath it.

It froze my whole being, nearly to death.

Yet for the umpteenth time, I've fought it all

and have swam back to that light.

That light which never failed to assure me

that someday I will again feel

the warmth I've been longing for.

Pain can either destroy you or make you better

What can pain do to you?
Pain can either destroy you or make you better.

Pain can destroy you if it learns that you don't like it.
You feel it, and it lingers.
You fight it really really hard,
and lose, realizing that it won't go away.
Now you're too weak that pain can envelope your whole being.
It nests within you
that you can't help but let it multiply.
Now, you're still in pain.
It's just that you feel more of it.

Pain can make you better if it learns that you accept it.
You feel it, and it lingers.
You allow yourself to feel it.
You allow it to linger.
Then you let it out,
cry it hard with an inch of pain escaping from every teardrop.
Until you can't cry anymore,
and feel pain no longer.