Monday, January 19, 2015

One day, I dreamed to be truly loved by a man.

One day, I dreamed to be truly loved by a man.

A man who may be way different from me,
but understands me.
He, who takes pleasure in our differences,
and is willing to make compromises.

A man who may be different from me
in many or some aspects, but shares my faith.
He, who is a lover of God.

A man who brings me closer to God.
He, who reminds me of how loving God is
just by making me feel loved himself.

A man who thinks I am lovable,
beautiful despite all imperfections.
But of course, he, who makes me feel that I truly am.

A man whom I can come to when I'm lonely,
or disappointed, or angry, or frustrated,
and won't judge me for how I feel.
He, who would try to appease me
because he cares.

A man who does not hide the truth.
He, who is secured with the truth,
and prepared to face the truth.

A man who makes time for me,
who proves that he wants to be with me.
He, who makes way for us
without excuses, only pure desire.

A man who takes pride on my achievements
or little successes.
He, who supports my dreams,
and motivates me towards them.

A man who may lose his temper,
but does his best to keep his cool.
He, who, at the end of it all, prioritizes
to not hurt me in any way.

Most of all, a man who is decided to love me.
He, who stands by that decision
and would be happy to stay with me
come hell or high water.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

I prayed for wisdom

I whole-heartedly pray for wisdom, Lord,
for I believe that everything starts with it.

This wisdom will give me faith - a strong one.
Because wisdom will say why I should believe.

This wisdom will teach me courage.
Because she will provoke me to do the right thing
and tell me why I must not fear.

This wisdom will give me strength,
strength to endure all suffering.
She will remind me why I should not give up.

This wisdom will give me happiness,
profound happiness.
Because she will keep good insights going in my mind.

This wisdom will give me peace,
a peace that can't be destroyed;
the kind that is impenetrable.
Because wisdom will serve as its shield.

Grant me wisdom, Lord.
But most of all, grant me unceasing love for it.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

I missed riding an airplane

When I was a kid, every time my eyes caught an airplane flying high in the sky, I would wonder how I'd be just like a speck of dirt or a dot from the eyes of those who peered out of their window that time. Then I would draw the shape of the slowly moving tiny figure in between my fingers, amazed by how a-once-gigantic vehicle suddenly turned measly and weak and manipulable on my fingertips.

And so, whenever my mother and I (or sometimes with my sisters and father too), rode an airplane, I usually would assert my way near the window. I was so excited to see the world at a top view that I could not afford to lose my chance.

Once the plane took off, I'd smile, brace myself and wait for the pressure to build in my ear. I would know that we were above the earth once things felt smooth underneath and my ears completely blocked. While faking a yawn, I'd turn my head towards the window. And alas! I'd see everything below suddenly turning into a wide doll world. The higher we got, the more slow-moving, easier and manageable things became.

I missed riding an airplane. Now that I've grown older, I feel like I've forgotten how things look from the top view. The world have gotten too big and complicated - sometimes, even too huge to understand. There are moments when I feel like the earth's above me, or at my shoulders, or like I'm buried deep in a mud. Everything has turned fast, difficult and overwhelming.

From time to time, I feel like I need to see that wide doll world again. I need to remember how it is to see at a top view, where everything's slow-moving, easy and manageable. However, this time, it's my life, my world that I want to look at. How does my world move, looking from the top view? How are my relationships going? How about my work? My school? My faith? My decisions? Myself? How about conflicts? Tasks? Responsibilities?

Probably, beholding life from above would make my hands seem big enough to do all the revamps - put houses in their proper places, turn buildings around, push mountains a little farther, re-paint walls with a single stroke and clean all trash with one grab. Yeah, just like that.

I missed riding an airplane, but I cannot now. However, I could close my eyes anytime and imagine myself going up, up and up! And perhaps, once I open my eyes, everything will seem possible.