Joyful Blur

Sometimes, life doesn't make sense.

All you know is everything's bright, warm, and beautiful.

Things amble in front of you, and you just let things.

You float along the water's ripples, and you trust the water.

Life is good.

Nothing is sure, save that the time is right.

You feel Jesus's hand gripping yours,

and when you look back, you see clear traces of your footsteps.

Sometimes, life doesn't make sense.

All you remember is that one day, you gave up trying to control things.

And now, when you walk, 

you walk with Him.

God's Surprises

One day you wake up and your arid days are over. 

You smile at the sun, you eat well, and you bounce when you walk.

You're all too happy that you can't find words for it or for anything.

It feels like life's wheel just turned, and you're on top.

And there, in that transition, you realize what can really make you happy.

You get to know that you're not the type who gets ecstatic with promotion or any career success,

that you're not proud of being known by quite a multitude of people,

that compliments no longer get into your head.

There, you get to see what's empty and what's not.

You define what it really means to be on top.

You rename dreams, find new goals, and envision a new life.

Things suddenly become surprising as if spotting a huge shell on the shore,

or suddenly feeling cool with the May air,

or taking hold of a book you thought you wouldn't find in the Philippines' bookstore.

And what's more surprising is, whatever made that has always been within your grasp.

Relationships.

Love.

Are you a bit unhappy?

I wonder why everything feels bleak these past few days.

Looking at 'me' from the top view, life seems to be going nicely. No huge problem, whatsoever. No enemies. I get tired and my tooth aches occasionally, but yeah. Just that. It's a mystery how, for some reason, I catch myself frowning at nothing in particular. My mind cannot help but succumb to plain dullness, and every night, I flinch at a pang of yearning for something I cannot identify yet.

Oh, why? Why am I so unhappy?

After praying, I always go to my books for answers. Just this afternoon, I pulled a couple of them from my shelf - one tells a love story, another's about prayer, and the thick one's about creativity. Funny how I just left them all lying pell mell on my study table afterwards then grabbed the broom instead, and swept the floor. I realized, the presence of books told me that I wasn't ready for them because my mind was still messy.

Sweeping was effective. I decided to resolve by listing things that remind me how to be happy. After I collected our house's trash and dusts, I reckoned that humans tend to forget. All the time.
Some of what I put here are from Jason Silva's Shots of Awe. Maaan, this philosopher guy's amazing! You have to subscribe, so you'll get to pick some of his brain.

1. Be in awe. 

You don't wait for 'awe,' you find it. Where? It's in the tiniest details of things. You have to spot that fine detail that reveals a spectacular complexity that lives and makes things operate - such beauty that creates a world of its own. And once you're submerged in it, revering it...you have found 'awe.' (Bonus: Remember that God made it for someone - you.)

2. Remember gratitude.

Do you know who you are? Or where you are in space and time? You are this dot that form the universe. Without that dot, which is you, the universe would be different. And this universe you're standing on is full of life. It cradles in itself 'life' of different hues, forms, mystery, wonder and intelligence. Whoa! Look around you. See, it's a good life.

3. Do something novel.

Jason Silva said that when you're chasing happiness, you're actually chasing novelty. When you say you want to be happy, you're actually saying you want something new or more. New things make life exciting. It's a new streak, a new color, a new word on your notebook or canvas. New things make a difference, and for us, difference may mean progress or chance or power because it narrows our options. Good news: most of the time, novelty is in your hands.

4. Initiate acts of kindness.

It's innate. You feel good about yourself when you do something good. Why? Because it's who you are. You are created by a good God, so you are good by nature. That's why it's who you peacefully accept you are. Do compliments sound sweeter than criticisms? Praises are better than insults, of course. But setting words-as-a-reward aside, an act of kindness itself refreshes the heart.

Lastly, I think, is to see a picture of you where you look happy. Like really happy. Mine's this. I still remember every bit of this moment's peace and bliss.

What Makes You Happy?

Today, I went home from work feeling empty. I wasn't happy. I wasn't sad either. I doubt I was even somewhere in between. I just felt nothing.

I decided not to end my day that way, though. I really wanted to make the day great but I only had the night left for me, so I just wished I'd have a great night. Immediately, I ran to my diary and wrote, "What makes me happy?"

Then I remembered what makes me happy. 

1. Hobbits. I thank Tolkien for inventing hobbits. They're really amazing middle earth creatures. Often, I would imagine myself walking along Shire with huge hairy foot. I would think of how simple life is in there, waking up in a nice sunny morning and freely running with woods, water and sweet smelling grass around. Usually, I'd sit at my desk, get my pen and think I'm Bilbo Baggins writing my tales. 

2. "It's a good life, Hazel Grace." The first time I read this line from John Green's The Fault in our Stars, I wondered if Augustus was right. What is it that he saw in life that makes him say it's actually good? I sought for answers until I realized that John Green meant nothing deep about it. Everything is simply beautiful. And that it's a privilege to merely step onto this world and experience everything it offers - good food, good shelter, good family and friends, good weather, good books, good sleep and more. There are challenges, of course, but they are only to put some flavor. Often, all we have to do is to look around and be thankful.

3. My God up there has already laid His great plans on my timeline. All I have to do is to keep moving until I walk through all of them. I can't wait for God's surprises. Bo Sanchez, in his Take Charge Give All, said that each day is a seed. It's either you plant the seed or throw it. I may not have planted all my seeds but I'm confident I'll grow those that I did. I know God made sure they were laid in the best soil possible. Oh, I just can't wait to see my seeds full-grown and bearing fruits!

Just thinking about these things, I could say that it's been a great night! Indeed, all I needed was a good mindset. Now, I could look up my list every now and then. How about you, what makes you happy?

Not the same as before

That space was left empty long enough for her not to be afraid of losing.

Its emptiness has become part of her body rhythm.

She used to be happy merely with waking up in the morning,
and remembering that somebody loves her.

When everything turned uncontrollably otherwise,
that happiness melted and evaporated to thin air.

She was left wounded and bled almost to death,
yet she stood up and regained strength.

Slowly, she saw what has always been there for her.

She felt the warmth of sunrays on her face,
she recognized the fragrance of flowers,
and she saw promising hope in the sky.

Certainly, everything changed.

It's just his world changed first.

That space filled with the old, dependent and feeble kind of happiness
was replaced with an impenetrable and indestructible one.

She's free.

She's happier.

She's tougher.

She's wiser.

She's gonna be great.

She's me.

I prayed for wisdom

I whole-heartedly pray for wisdom, Lord,

for I believe that everything starts with it.

This wisdom will give me faith - a strong one.

Because wisdom will say why I should believe.

This wisdom will teach me courage.

Because she will provoke me to do the right thing

and tell me why I must not fear.

This wisdom will give me strength,

strength to endure all suffering.

She will remind me why I should not give up.

This wisdom will give me happiness,

profound happiness.

Because she will keep good insights going in my mind.

This wisdom will give me peace,

a peace that can't be destroyed;

the kind that is impenetrable.

Because wisdom will serve as its shield.

Grant me wisdom, Lord.

But most of all, grant me unceasing love for it.

Amen.

I am happy today

I am happy today

because when I woke up in the morning,

it was cold, the rain was pouring.

I am happy today

because when I opened my book, 

it said,

"Start Clean Each Day."

I am happy today

because my father prepared me a hearty breakfast,

 tasty bacon partnered with sunny side up egg

plus a cup of sweet melon juice.

I am happy today

because the cold wind welcomed me

when I opened my door
the time my father pulled down the car near the office.

I am happy today

because I learned something new at work,

and I was able to apply most of them right away.

I am happy today

because I saw how the large windows of the office

became artfully blurred and fogged by the sudden burst of rain.

I am happy today

because I finished another day of work

and that tomorrow's going to be my rest day.

I am happy today

I'm declaring it now as I am writing this,

 even if the day hasn't ended yet.

I am happy today

because I want to

and I'm choosing to.

I am happy today

and tomorrow, I promise,

I'll be happy again. :)

Why not worry?

Do not worry.

You might feel unlucky now, 

but you could feel unlucky again some time.

Your problems may seem to be heavier today

than the problems you had yesterday,

but you’re gonna have problems in the future all the same.

You might think that life used to be better when you were younger,

but actually when you were younger,

you wished you were still even younger.

You see, my friend, 

the fact is, there is always something to worry about 

as much as there is always something to be grateful for.

Do not worry.

Choose to be grateful. 

Choose to be happy.

Dear Lord

Dear Lord,

My teachers in Coursera told us to write a gratitude letter to a person whom we have never properly thanked. And I thought, it had to be You.

I'd like to start this gratitude letter with a big big SORRY. I am so sorry, Lord, for I've not been grateful enough. I know You have loved me and is still loving me unto the depths of me. I know, as well, that You've given me all You thought I needed. However, I've never been amply thankful for any of that. All I chose to see was darkness. I've been too perfectionist over my life when I've also been well aware that there's no such thing as 'perfect' life. I want to sincerely say sorry, Lord.

Writing this gratitude letter makes me realize that my life isn't an empty bowl. Actually, it is an overflowing one. You've filled it and still pouring in it gallons of nourishing water. I was expecting for something else. I forgot that Your blood and water is more than enough to keep me alive. I forgot that Your love alone should suffice.

You are in everything, Lord. I can feel You through the sweet refreshing breeze of the morning. I can see You in those calm and brightest rays of the sun. I can smell You in the fragrance of fresh flowers, water and leaves, all combined together. I can touch You by grazing upon the cheek of my loved one. I am surrounded by Your love and beauty, Lord, without me realizing it.

Thank You, Lord. I know that it is You who help us find food to eat and water to drink each day. It is You who shield our shelter from violent earthquakes and heavy rain. You, who protect my loved ones whenever I'm not around to save them. You, who find us money to buy shoes to cover our feet and clothes to warm our body. It is You, and nothing but You, the Great Provider.

You are there for me whenever I thought You're not. I had the most difficult times. My faith came to a point of failing. I even thought You forgot about me. I thought I've become too much of a sinner to lose Your favor. But in the end, I realized that I was completely wrong. You were there, You've been there, and You'll always be there for me. That all I needed was for my eyes to see and my heart to feel that You've been a faithful lover. That there must be the hard times for love to grow.

You are there in my success, happiness and dreams. You lift me in victory, laugh with me, and daydream with me. I forgot how You would love to see me smile, and to hear me speak of beautiful things. I forgot how You would love to put sparkle on my eyes and fill my heart with deep gladness. Thank You, Lord. I am very grateful; no other words could suffice.

Lord, I am genuinely thankful, most especially, for my family, relatives and friends. Truly, Your love is personified in each of them. Living wouldn't be more meaningful without such a great company. I thank You, Lord, for I am surrounded with loving people; for I am cared for; for I am helped in times of need; for I am comforted in times of grief; for I am directed whenever I am lost, and; for I am forgiven whenever I am at fault.

I don't know how to end this letter, Lord. There's just too many things to be thankful for. Was I able to properly thank You? Your goodness is endless...and (aha!) so is this letter...