Transience

When you know that things go in and out of existence,

That time passes

And the sun sleeps

The mood hides

Clouds dissipate

Flowers decay

The ice melts

And the breath of life evaporates

What do you do?

How do you capture

A brief moment's beauty

That once fades

Will never be seen again?

God's Surprises

One day you wake up and your arid days are over. 

You smile at the sun, you eat well, and you bounce when you walk.

You're all too happy that you can't find words for it or for anything.

It feels like life's wheel just turned, and you're on top.

And there, in that transition, you realize what can really make you happy.

You get to know that you're not the type who gets ecstatic with promotion or any career success,

that you're not proud of being known by quite a multitude of people,

that compliments no longer get into your head.

There, you get to see what's empty and what's not.

You define what it really means to be on top.

You rename dreams, find new goals, and envision a new life.

Things suddenly become surprising as if spotting a huge shell on the shore,

or suddenly feeling cool with the May air,

or taking hold of a book you thought you wouldn't find in the Philippines' bookstore.

And what's more surprising is, whatever made that has always been within your grasp.

Relationships.

Love.

Let Her Come to Life

I do not want to be wasted.

Whenever I step into my inner world,

I see my potential greatness.

I see my ideal self slowly forming,

an image that's full and whole in the offing.

And I want her to come to life.
I want to know how she'll move her hands,

turn her head, walk and talk.

I want to breathe the air she'll take,

taste the words she'll speak,

and feel everything that'll touch her skin.
 And as soon as I feel her heartbeat,
that first gush of her blood into my veins,

I'll know, I won't be wasted.

Snowflake

One night, the dark sky cracked and chinks of light seeped out of it.

Slowly, the light ate away the darkness.

It grew into morning.

And I'm cherishing this morning.

Every inch of it.

I've never inhaled air this deep.

I look at each moment's particle on my hands and it's beautiful.

Each moment's like a snowflake - pristine, unique and melting.

I can only imagine the thrill of having to explore, to unravel, and to appreciate its magnificence for a short while.

Then it melts.

And it vanishes.

Then it's gone forever.

And it's okay.

Quintessence

To be loved, my dear, 

may not be the essence of life

for it could be selfishness to think solely

of what the world puts on your hands.

It is rather a need, undoubtedly,

to feel that you're in somebody's heart,

for knowing your worth

can keep you alive.

To be loved, indeed,

isn't the quintessence of life,

for it's often about choosing between 

saving your own skin and sacrifice.
But still, how vital it is!

For it is through receiving

that you learn to give,

it is through being consoled

that you learn to console,

and it is through being loved

that you learn to love.

And that, my dear,

is the essence of life.

How to Make Life Flavorful

Flavorful.

I used to think of food whenever I heard of the word 'flavorful.' Well, I still do but now, on an entirely different perspective. After reading a few articles and hearing a number of talks that use this adjective to describe work, relationship and life as a whole, adding flavor has become my daily goal.

I once attended a seminar about prayer and the speaker told us that continuously adding flavor to our prayer hour can strengthen our relationship with God. She said that she wakes up at a certain time in the morning each day, goes to a particular room, and spends an hour or two with God. Basically, what she does is she reads the Bible first, then prays intently, then does journal writing. Imagine yourself doing this same routine for one whole year or more. There's nothing wrong with it, of course; but perhaps sooner or later, you would forget its essence and merely do it out of habit. It's usually how our mind and body work. Nevertheless, the speaker chose to give her seemingly dull prayer hour a twist. From time to time, she changes a bit a few things such as:

• Instead of just sitting with eyes closed while praying, she plays her guitar and sings songs of worship to the Lord;
• She still reads the Bible but this time, moves on to reading a devotional or inspirational book afterwards;
• How about a background music while writing a journal?
• She prays while peacefully taking sips of her morning coffee as if God is her morning buddy.

Interesting, isn't it? I say, this is insightful creativity. Why have I never thought of doing this? I reckon, maybe such things are very basic but not apparent. Ever since, my thinking has been 'there is more to it than there seemed on the surface.' Flavorful. Usually, the most luscious ingredients settle at the bottom. You got to dig it, scoop it then stir it whole to make the food more delectable.

Elsewhere, adding flavor isn't just about being creative and initiating changes. It could also mean taking delight in new things such as involving yourself in something/somewhere you've never been such as:

• joining a friendly organization,
• attending an interesting talk or seminar,
• going to a retreat with people you don't know.
• traveling to different places,
• studying a diploma course or an online course, 
• or watching alone in a movie house.

Fancy up your calendar with colorful post-its, multicolor pen, photos, or anything that would remind you of what to look forward to. Flavorful. Put more spices on your schedule and wake up each day with a smile on your face.

If you're currently having a bad taste of life, be thankful! It's your chance to become the best cook existing, for a good cook can make good food but the best cook can turn a bad-tasting dish into a palatable one.

What Makes You Happy?

Today, I went home from work feeling empty. I wasn't happy. I wasn't sad either. I doubt I was even somewhere in between. I just felt nothing.

I decided not to end my day that way, though. I really wanted to make the day great but I only had the night left for me, so I just wished I'd have a great night. Immediately, I ran to my diary and wrote, "What makes me happy?"

Then I remembered what makes me happy. 

1. Hobbits. I thank Tolkien for inventing hobbits. They're really amazing middle earth creatures. Often, I would imagine myself walking along Shire with huge hairy foot. I would think of how simple life is in there, waking up in a nice sunny morning and freely running with woods, water and sweet smelling grass around. Usually, I'd sit at my desk, get my pen and think I'm Bilbo Baggins writing my tales. 

2. "It's a good life, Hazel Grace." The first time I read this line from John Green's The Fault in our Stars, I wondered if Augustus was right. What is it that he saw in life that makes him say it's actually good? I sought for answers until I realized that John Green meant nothing deep about it. Everything is simply beautiful. And that it's a privilege to merely step onto this world and experience everything it offers - good food, good shelter, good family and friends, good weather, good books, good sleep and more. There are challenges, of course, but they are only to put some flavor. Often, all we have to do is to look around and be thankful.

3. My God up there has already laid His great plans on my timeline. All I have to do is to keep moving until I walk through all of them. I can't wait for God's surprises. Bo Sanchez, in his Take Charge Give All, said that each day is a seed. It's either you plant the seed or throw it. I may not have planted all my seeds but I'm confident I'll grow those that I did. I know God made sure they were laid in the best soil possible. Oh, I just can't wait to see my seeds full-grown and bearing fruits!

Just thinking about these things, I could say that it's been a great night! Indeed, all I needed was a good mindset. Now, I could look up my list every now and then. How about you, what makes you happy?

Have you looked up the sky today?

Do you love clouds? Well, I do.

I remember when my parents and I traveled to Baguio by car. I laid myself down on the back seat, facing the window. Then I looked at the clouds. They seemed to be keeping a gaze on me while we were running. Everything else below whizzed by so fast - trees, electric lines, houses - everything! While the clouds stayed on my sight and calmly got out of it.

I raised my hand and drew the outline of their curves with my index finger. I formed figures of birds, dolphin, fish and the like. I thought, looking at the sky is like having a glimpse of heaven. I had in my mind a picture of ascension: Jesus, with arms outstretched, went up to heaven. Heaven is above. Sky is above. Hence, sky is where heaven could be.

It was a long bumpy journey to Baguio. Yet, with such a refreshing sight, I fell into sleep peacefully and smiling.

That was years ago. When I got older, I rarely looked up the sky. I became too absorbed with those things that whiz by so fast - people, job, school, goals, pleasure. I started living with these things knowing that they would change and they could go. But I kept a grip on them tightly. I walked through the path to my dreams with them slipping from my hands, and me, trying to catch them. It was exhausting. It was painful. At the end of the day, I might've had everything altogether, but I would feel empty inside.

Look up. I realized that I must not forget to look up the sky again, to gaze at the clouds, to have a glimpse of heaven. When the road gets bumpy or when the waiting gets too long or when I can no longer catch up with a busy world, I must remember that there's something more than this; that above, there remains a cloud calmly moving across the sky; and that there is a God who went up to heaven with arms outstretched, light and unburdened. Perhaps, it's one way to heaven - letting go and surrendering.

My friend, have you looked up the sky today?

I missed riding an airplane

When I was a kid, every time my eyes caught an airplane flying high in the sky, I would wonder how I'd be just like a speck of dirt or a dot from the eyes of those who peered out of their window that time. Then I would draw the shape of the slowly moving tiny figure in between my fingers, amazed by how a-once-gigantic vehicle suddenly turned measly and weak and manipulable on my fingertips.

And so, whenever my mother and I (or sometimes with my sisters and father too), rode an airplane, I usually would assert my way near the window. I was so excited to see the world at a top view that I could not afford to lose my chance.

Once the plane took off, I'd smile, brace myself and wait for the pressure to build in my ear. I would know that we were above the earth once things felt smooth underneath and my ears completely blocked. While faking a yawn, I'd turn my head towards the window. And alas! I'd see everything below suddenly turning into a wide doll world. The higher we got, the more slow-moving, easier and manageable things became.

I missed riding an airplane. Now that I've grown older, I feel like I've forgotten how things look from the top view. The world have gotten too big and complicated - sometimes, even too huge to understand. There are moments when I feel like the earth's above me, or at my shoulders, or like I'm buried deep in a mud. Everything has turned fast, difficult and overwhelming.

From time to time, I feel like I need to see that wide doll world again. I need to remember how it is to see at a top view, where everything's slow-moving, easy and manageable. However, this time, it's my life, my world that I want to look at. How does my world move, looking from the top view? How are my relationships going? How about my work? My school? My faith? My decisions? Myself? How about conflicts? Tasks? Responsibilities?

Probably, beholding life from above would make my hands seem big enough to do all the revamps - put houses in their proper places, turn buildings around, push mountains a little farther, re-paint walls with a single stroke and clean all trash with one grab. Yeah, just like that.

I missed riding an airplane, but I cannot now. However, I could close my eyes anytime and imagine myself going up, up and up! And perhaps, once I open my eyes, everything will seem possible.

Why are you here?

"Why am I here," used to be the question I utter first thing in the morning. Even before I stretched out my muscles, I would sense the heaviness of my every breath. I would tell myself, "I am alive," and know at the back of my mind that it's for a purpose.

My everyday used to feel like a chase for "purpose." For some reason, I felt like my purpose was hiding from me. I thought it was a hopeless search. I've tried looking for it in my current job, with the people I love, through distant strangers, by the rocks I had stumbled upon, between the words of the books I read, within the context of occurrences and even going beyond and outside the boxes. I was so eager to find it! but only to find out that each path was a dead end. I was not happy.

One afternoon, I decided to breathe all my questions out to God. That time I was in a chapel with the person closest to my heart; he was praying beside me. The chapel was enormous, or maybe solely in my sight. Yet I was sure, the place was filled with an air of reverence - silent but not ringing silence. The place was tranquil, I must say. I then lifted my eyes to its ceiling, somehow facing the heaven . . . or maybe, searching for heaven. Then in my mind, I called, "Lord."

That moment, I felt like His eyes met mine and that we just had an eye contact. From my spiritual periphery, I saw His cheeks lifting and His lips was spreading to a smile. I never had an eye contact so blind yet assuring akin to that. It was wonderful.

His bright smile magnified the darkness of my heart, though. And that was when I started throwing Him a multitude of questions. I honestly cannot remember what those were, but I can still vividly recall how it felt to have my baggage gradually pulled away from me, making me light and having my knees bear only my weight. Oh, God was so patient with me.

Today, I must admit that I still don't know exactly why I am here. And I don't think I will ever know it. However, after that encounter, God made me realize that life should not be a chase for purpose - it is fulfilling whatever it may be in any way possible. So how can I live by my purpose? Two things: 1) Live my way. 2) Love my way. Maybe the reason why God made me different from others is because I have a special purpose which can only be fulfilled through exactly being me.

Now, all God wants is for me to hold His hand and together, we keep moving. The road may seem dangerous, narrow or steep, but I should keep moving. Even when we might seem lost or we seem to need to retrace our steps or turn around, I should just keep moving.

Since then, whenever rough days come and push me to asking, "Why am I here?" I would look heavenward, imagine God smiling and saying, "Just hold my hand, and trust that You are where I want you to be."

The world is unfair, isn't it?

I think the world is, indeed, unfair. 

I used to think it's humans' natural tendency to look at themselves then look at others back and forth, unconsciously doing some comparison. Personally, I think I've tried comparing myself to others in all aspects; I'd often dwell on the fact that other people are A LOT MORE than me - a lot more attractive, richer, smarter, more skillful, braver and more self-willed. And then I'd let myself be eaten by it. "Why is he/she like that and I'm only this?" "Why are others have those and I only have this?" "Why can't I have that and they have it?" I even closed my ears at the compliments I received from my friends. I didn't care what I had. In my eyes, others were always luckier. I guess t'was because I wanted to be better each day. Only that I wanted to be better than everyone else. 

Suddenly, one day, something changed my way of thinking. That time, I was listening to an Affirmative Frame recording sent to me by my life coach (FYI: these are recordings, usually of ocean waves, dripping rain or any relaxing sound, embedded with subliminal messages which help a person achieve positive mindset). I had my earphones on, and my eyes closed. I was internalizing the ocean waves which sang in my ears. Swish. Swash. Swoosh. I could imagine the water slapping the stones along the shore, then pulling them back to its body. I imagined the strong blows of the wind, amply strong to form waves. The sky was clear. The sun was shining brightly. Everything was wonderful.

For a moment, I gave myself the freedom to enjoy what seemed to be in front me, thinking that I deserved it. I deserved to be in something wonderful. 

I opened my eyes. 

I thought, maybe life is just about living. And when I only care about living, probably I wouldn't care about what others have . . . only what I already have. Maybe life isn't just about getting better and better and better; it could also be about appreciating what's already better and beautiful. Maybe life is as simple as letting things (that're out of our control) happen, thinking of what really matters and leaving what does not.

Maybe, sometimes, I just have to live and don't care. 

Perhaps, I was right in thinking that the world is unfair. But life is fair enough to have itself in me.

Why not worry?

Do not worry.

You might feel unlucky now, 

but you could feel unlucky again some time.

Your problems may seem to be heavier today

than the problems you had yesterday,

but you’re gonna have problems in the future all the same.

You might think that life used to be better when you were younger,

but actually when you were younger,

you wished you were still even younger.

You see, my friend, 

the fact is, there is always something to worry about 

as much as there is always something to be grateful for.

Do not worry.

Choose to be grateful. 

Choose to be happy.

The Single Dot Metaphor

Inwardly, I am a problematic person. By that I mean, I feel I've become a problem myself because I usually THINK I got an awful lot of 'difficult' things to deal with. Well, surely there are a bunch of people out there who think like me (I'm just trying to console myself). Anyhow, the point is we are the ones who create our own problems. A psychologist/writer, M. Scott Peck, said in his book The Road Less Traveled that the things that mar us or affect us emotionally are what we repute as problems. Thus, the question is: however bad the situation you're into may seem, would you allow it to emotionally deface you?

One day, in the middle of a diversion, I realized that M. Scott Peck stated a downright truth which deserves a second thought. I came to put it in analogy with the 'single dot metaphor.' I remembered that several times in my life, I looked at that one tiny dot in the middle of a white sheet of paper. That I've become, metaphorically, too "OC" or "Obsessive Compulsive" to notice the single dot and ignore the vast clean space around it. I rigidly thought that the paper isn't 'clean' anymore because of that speck of dirt. And as I erased one dot, another filled in a little space. Then, another dot, and another, and more. I was overwhelmed by the seemed-to-be-black-nits on the paper, but I ignored the empty space which remained wider than them.

Sometimes we tend to focus too much on a problem. We don't know that the more we look at it, the bigger it gets (or so it would seem). The more we submerge our thoughts in it, the more we become emotionally involved in the problem. More so, we usually forget that life isn't perfect. That in life, there's no such thing as 'clean slate.' What solely exists is 'perspective.' Change your perspective, and you'll change your life. Don't get too swayed by failures; look at your successes. Allow yourself to falter; it will help strengthen your knees. Get hurt, and feel the pain - it only means you're still alive. Behold the brighter side of life. To a positive mind, the heart listens.

By this, I recommend the following books. Look 'em up in Bookstores!

• Your Best Life Begins Each Morning by Joel Osteen
• Make Today Count by John C. Maxwell
• How Your Words Can Change Your World by Bo Sanchez