Why don't you love reading books?

Reading books used to bore me.

I'm not a born book lover. It's not the first tool I held when I was a kid. I honestly thought that reading was a waste of time. How could you be sitting all day with just a book in your hands (Perhaps, you could now imagine how energetic I was when I was a kid)?

I remember, we used to have a mini library inside the house. By "mini" I mean the last (bottom) drawer in the filing cabinet. It was filled with books such as Goosebumps, fairy tale books and a lot of "choose your own adventure." We (my sisters and cousins) even made this cute hello kitty library card with our names on it. I can recall, my sisters used their library cards a lot. And I think I used mine once.

Looking at myself today, I can say that my perspective turned topsy turvy. If you would open my bag any day during the week, you would see a book in it. I always bring a book with me not because I want to put weight on my bag and build muscles but because I tend to read everytime I find a slightest dead time. Today, I am that kind of kid that the little Elaine thought was boring because I could manage to sit or stay in a corner all day with just a book in my hands. Suddenly, reading itself becomes a dwelling place for me. I love it.

It all started when I finished college. Fountainhead fell on my hands, then Mitch Albom's, then Paulo Coehlo's, then more classics especially Sherlock Holmes (my faaavorite!) and then self-help's. I cannot say it's the exact order but I'm certain it started with Fountainhead by Ayn Rand (Oh, just how I adored Howard Roark!) and was ignited by Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (That genius everybody knows is rude is actually a face of passion). Later on, I found myself cherishing the aroma of freshly printed pages and sensing the weight of the book in my palms. I just developed a vice, and it's a good one.

Suddenly, I came to appreciate how a book brings me to places, such where I've never been and will ever be; how it lets me meet new people, who I know aren't real but feels otherwise; how it personally involves me in somebody else's life without actually intervening or affecting it; and how it can totally put me into somebody's mind and body and feel what he/she feels, see what he/she sees and think what he/she thinks.

It's strange, isn't it? It's like intentionally triggering autism whatsoever. But actually, books helped me keep my sanity in the real world. They opened my eyes, widened my perspective and deepened my thinking. Why that effect? Because books are just the written version of some people's thoughts. However, the magic of words makes a reader take a peek inside these people's heads. What if that's the head of a genius?

Your Haven

I want to be your haven,

here, in my arms,

in the warmth of my embrace,

where you can rest,

where you can be sure of your safety.

I want to be your haven,

where you can breathe out all your pain,

frustrations and disappointments;

where you gather strength and courage.

I want to be your haven,

where you'll be nourished;

where you'll feel your worth,

see your beauty and goodness

and get to believe in yourself.

I want to be your haven,

even just your haven.

And so everytime you have to leave,

 I will just watch you go,

with a trusting heart,

with complete surrender.

But if ever you find another haven,

yet in the end, still find your way to me,

I promise you

that my doors will be widely open,

and still be your haven.

Hot weather? Think of snow and rain.

Peace

She locked the front door and set off for a walk.

To where, she wasn't sure.

She just wanted to walk her thoughts away.

It was her rest day.

She got a lot of things to do,

but she can't work without peace of mind. 

A gentle wind grazed her skin.

It was a bit cold.

Thank God,

it was such a nice cloudy morning.

"Creak!"

Some dried brown leaf crushed heavily beneath her boot.

Everything seemed like in slow motion,

- the cars, the people around and even the birds in the air.

She wondered.

She brought nothing with her save herself,

but things felt heavy on her shoulders.

She was a little light-headed though.

As she trod the road, the trees swayed their branches 

as if dancing, as if greeting her.

Together, they made music.

She closed her eyes and

listened to the flattering of their leaves.

She lifted her head to meet the sunrays.

Slowly, she felt the heaviness fading.

Nature.

Indeed, there's peace in nature.

Suddenly, something cold fell on her face.

She opened her eyes and wiped it away.

Fluid.

A cold fluid.

Another one fell onto her palm.

Ice crystal.

A snowflake.

* * *

Books

Have you looked up the sky today?

Do you love clouds? Well, I do.

I remember when my parents and I traveled to Baguio by car. I laid myself down on the back seat, facing the window. Then I looked at the clouds. They seemed to be keeping a gaze on me while we were running. Everything else below whizzed by so fast - trees, electric lines, houses - everything! While the clouds stayed on my sight and calmly got out of it.

I raised my hand and drew the outline of their curves with my index finger. I formed figures of birds, dolphin, fish and the like. I thought, looking at the sky is like having a glimpse of heaven. I had in my mind a picture of ascension: Jesus, with arms outstretched, went up to heaven. Heaven is above. Sky is above. Hence, sky is where heaven could be.

It was a long bumpy journey to Baguio. Yet, with such a refreshing sight, I fell into sleep peacefully and smiling.

That was years ago. When I got older, I rarely looked up the sky. I became too absorbed with those things that whiz by so fast - people, job, school, goals, pleasure. I started living with these things knowing that they would change and they could go. But I kept a grip on them tightly. I walked through the path to my dreams with them slipping from my hands, and me, trying to catch them. It was exhausting. It was painful. At the end of the day, I might've had everything altogether, but I would feel empty inside.

Look up. I realized that I must not forget to look up the sky again, to gaze at the clouds, to have a glimpse of heaven. When the road gets bumpy or when the waiting gets too long or when I can no longer catch up with a busy world, I must remember that there's something more than this; that above, there remains a cloud calmly moving across the sky; and that there is a God who went up to heaven with arms outstretched, light and unburdened. Perhaps, it's one way to heaven - letting go and surrendering.

My friend, have you looked up the sky today?

He, who truly loves

Oh, how I wish I could caress Your cheeks,

and look lovingly on You,

- straight in Your eyes!

I want You to feel how much I love You

and how I love loving You.

You are utterly beautiful, Lord.

Your presence feels warm in my soul.

Because of You, I feel like

I have too much love to give

that sometimes,

my heart's like bursting!

But give me strength, Lord.

A whole lot of it!

For I know that this brings pain

just as much.

Fill me with wisdom,

calm my spirit,

appease my soul!

Prepare me, my Lord,

for a long purpose-driven journey

for now, I can see myself

treading this world

with a loving heart,
but with You, Lord.
Yes, with you!
You, who truly loves.

Not the same as before

That space was left empty long enough for her not to be afraid of losing.

Its emptiness has become part of her body rhythm.

She used to be happy merely with waking up in the morning,
and remembering that somebody loves her.

When everything turned uncontrollably otherwise,
that happiness melted and evaporated to thin air.

She was left wounded and bled almost to death,
yet she stood up and regained strength.

Slowly, she saw what has always been there for her.

She felt the warmth of sunrays on her face,
she recognized the fragrance of flowers,
and she saw promising hope in the sky.

Certainly, everything changed.

It's just his world changed first.

That space filled with the old, dependent and feeble kind of happiness
was replaced with an impenetrable and indestructible one.

She's free.

She's happier.

She's tougher.

She's wiser.

She's gonna be great.

She's me.

I Believe in Infinity

At about quarter to 5 in the morning,

I saw the moon and realized 

that it's actually 384,400 kilometers away from the earth.

I then gazed at the black sky that surrounded it,

and marveled at the fact that

I'm actually seeing a glimpse of what is far beyond the earth.

I realized, I was seeing infinity in its concrete form.

I swerved my gaze ahead of me,

and beheld an extension of that same black sky.

I then thought that if I would clear the world

with buildings and anything that obstruct my view ahead,

I'd clearly see infinity not just above me

but around me.

I then woke up from reverie and smiled.

I remembered, infinity is where God is.