Blossom

My first ever attempt to coffee painting resulted in this imperfect work of art. It isn't done yet. I need to add more details, refine some edges, and put more shades. But I decide, I like it this way. I like that it still has space for improvement. As you look at it, I want your imagination to finish it or do the revamps. Let the possibility of perfection of imperfection be limitless.

Blossom. That's how I entitled it. It's my word for 2016. The day I walked into January, I told God that I want to blossom this year - just like a plant extending its roots deeper in the soil, and its flower outstretching its petals as if arms embracing the sunlight. And God heard me.

I'll be entering the convent this May. I have two months left to prepare everything. I'm enjoying this phase. I like the anxiety - that fear for the unknown. It strengthens my faith. I like the fear of loss - that uncomfortable feeling of letting things fall from my grasp. I now see more of what matters. It is but thrilling to empty myself of the temporary and fill myself in with lasting things. I have to learn my lessons. I'm starting to blossom.

This imperfect painting is now pasted on my calendar, reminding me each day that I need to blossom. And as I journey on, I fix my eyes to heaven. I know I'll be treading a path full of thorny branches, cliffs and traps, but from afar, I can see a beauty beyond me. This painting says that the possibility of perfection of imperfection is limitless. This painting says that someday, I can blossom fully into someone like Jesus.

My friend, how do you want to blossom?

Have your own love story

What is your love story?

Romantic love is strongly attractive. Be it in motion pictures or words, it can capture anyone. At times, it can get too attractive that it leaves you vulnerable to be slain or devoured. Even just a hint of it may be misunderstood and result to aching scratches or bruises. Romantic love is that enchanting.

You can't help it. It's mighty interesting how two hearts find each other in one such magical moment and be but one heart. Likewise, it's marvelous how a heart brings its pieces back together after the great pain of ripping apart. I admit, I too am romantic love's victim. One day, I just found myself daydreaming, directing sweet scenes with a faceless guy. From that day on, I described myself as a hopeless romantic.

Do seeing and hearing love stories from beautiful couples give you a knot in your stomach? Well, me too. But it's not the bad sort, right? I can't tell if it's envy or what. Probably, it's a mixture of "I'm so happy for you," and "I hope I have such a good love story too." It's not that it'll complete me, but I guess romantic love's too wonderful I also want to have one.

The fact is, I don't have one. But after accepting that side of me who is certain would wholeheartedly enjoy a life alone and for others, I decided to look to Jesus and figure out how to fall in love with Him. I've decided to shift all my desire, yearning and energy I reserved (and almost bursting!) for one such person to Jesus instead. How about giving efforts to really know Him through the Word? How about having breakfasts, weekly dates and frequent conversations with Him? Or probably, I could sing and write plenty of love poems for Him. I realized that if I want to, I could enjoy getting creative and serious in my relationship with Jesus, (probably) more than I could with a human being.

Truth is, single or not, you can fulfill your romantic dreams. Yes, it's possible! Start with working on your relationship with Jesus. Look above. That perfectly romantic Lover has been waiting for your "yes."

Friend, it's time to have your own love story.

Good bye, Mr. Right

I'm giving up that one fine morning

of waking up in bed with the guy

my heart would willingly

fall in love with and die for.

I'm giving up the sumptuous breakfast

we’d peacefully have on our dining table,

those sandwiches, fruits and milk

beneath a meaningful conversation.

I'm giving up that great company,

those hearty laughs, hugs and kisses,

those books we'd read in comfort and silence,
and our exchange of wise words.

I'm giving up those ecstatic Sundays

of lifting up our hands together in worship,

of uttering prayers, singing praises

and giving warm embraces.

I’m giving up that wedding ring,

that sacred promise at the altar,

those tears of overwhelming gratitude

and that loving and tender kiss.

I’m giving him up, Lord.

I’m letting go of “Mr. Right”

if he really does exist.

I surrender my romantic dreams to You.

I'm choosing You, Lord.

I'm choosing to have fine days, meals

and promises with You!

I'm choosing the cross and the habit.

Lord, You are my One True Love.

He calls

It hit me like lightning, 

one sunset,

while I was on bed, holding my rosary.

I was talking to Him,

prattling, actually,

and begging.

Then, it paralyzed me for a minute,

my eyes and mouth agape.

It took the form of a song,

that old and very familiar one.

Here I am, Lord

Is it I, Lord?

I have heard You calling in the night.

I will go, Lord, if You lead me.

I will hold Your people in my heart.

Its words struck me deep, as always,

yet this time, 

it was sweet and piercing,

heavy yet weightless,

cold and burning!

But I held on to it,

and savored it in my mouth,

then down my throat.

It felt warm inside.

It went deep beneath my skin,

then into my bones.

Finally, it captured my heart,

every inch of it,

every valve and chamber,

every cartilage and muscle,

every vessel!

Next thing I know,

salty tears were streaming down my cheeks.

It was my longest one minute.

Yes, it hit me like lighting -

His voice.

Trembling, I acknowledged,

"God is calling."

Trust Me.

Trust me.

Trust me in the stillness of everything.

Where there is calmness and peace, there I am moving.

Feel my presence.

Hear my whispers.

Trust me.

How many times should I prove my love for you?

Embrace this moment's uncertainty,

and have faith in me.

I know your heart.

Just trust me.

I love you, child.

Trust in my heart.

I promise, I have great plans for you.

Know that I've been listening to your prayers,

and I'm working on it.

Trust me.

Snowflake

One night, the dark sky cracked and chinks of light seeped out of it.

Slowly, the light ate away the darkness.

It grew into morning.

And I'm cherishing this morning.

Every inch of it.

I've never inhaled air this deep.

I look at each moment's particle on my hands and it's beautiful.

Each moment's like a snowflake - pristine, unique and melting.

I can only imagine the thrill of having to explore, to unravel, and to appreciate its magnificence for a short while.

Then it melts.

And it vanishes.

Then it's gone forever.

And it's okay.

Peace Within

Heaven is inside us.

I can feel it here, deep within me. It's alive. I can smell the sweet scent of its green grass. I can see its ardent sun. I can hear its birds singing. Everything in heaven is beautifully placed. Everything's calmly moving. Everything's alright.

Everything's alright even when things seem to be in havoc outside its barriers, for heaven does not believe that what doesn't feel good or isn't beautiful is all evil. It could just be a crinkle in a cloth, a knot in a hem, or a bump on a road. Like happiness, pain is just one of the ingredients of a succulent life.

Everything's still alright, for our meaningful memories are embedded in heaven's walls. Anytime, we can cling on them and dwell on them instead on the energy-wasting, unhelpful ones. Heaven never forgets beauty that's why it's beautiful.

Everything's still alright, for heaven has a welcoming, accepting, gratifying and loving atmosphere. Heaven is grace-filled 'cause it finds goodness in each situation. Ugly things pass through heaven and come out radiant.

Everything's still alright, for heaven is forever at peace.

Heaven is our peace within.