What Your Heart Contains

You can command your body through your mind.

You can command your mind through your heart.

Whatever your heart contains can command it.

What can command the heart is whatever it contains.

Through your heart, you can command your mind.

Through your mind, you can command your body.

Warmth

I'm lifting up my sincerest thanks to You, Lord!

Today, I hope that as I look up the sky,

my smile would beam the heavens.

I woke with Your embrace in the cold morning,

the first warmth I felt before sunrise.

The moment my mother saw me open my eyes, 

she sang me a Happy Birthday.

I thought it may almost be akin to the first time

she saw me open my little eyes to the world.

My sister whom I slept beside with

gently touched my head as a greeting.

My eldest sister gave me a crazy song and dance number.

My father greeted me and rejoiced with me

as I faced a day of birthday leave.

When I picked up my phone and unlocked it,

more greetings, I love you's, 

and heartfelt messages welcomed me. 

Unworthy I was, for I never thought I am that loved. 

I know it was a teaching on gratitude,  Lord. 

Oh, my mornings never felt that warm!

Lord, You've walked with me through these years,

rocky, steep or narrow the paths had been.

You have never left me,

nor lifted Your gaze upon me.

Certainly, even by the time my memory fails me, 

I won't forget the warmth of Your hands. 

Your hands that molded me, 

the first that touched my cheek when I was born. 

Your hands that held me and helped me to my feet 

when I was learning to walk.

Your hands that comforted me when I was in pain.

Your hands that tapped my back when I was feeling down. 

Your hands that're holding mine now

as I continue to tread the earth.

Lord, if there's one thing I must celebrate on my birthday,

it's the fact that You chose me,

me against the infinite possibility!

This feeble sinful me,

who You knew would hurt you,

but still chose to share Your warmth with.

One day, I dreamed to be truly loved by a man.

One day, I dreamed to be truly loved by a man.

A man who may be way different from me,

but understands me.

He, who takes pleasure in our differences,

and is willing to make compromises.

A man who may be different from me

in many or some aspects, but shares my faith.

He, who is a lover of God.

A man who brings me closer to God.

He, who reminds me of how loving God is

just by making me feel loved himself.

A man who thinks I am lovable,

beautiful despite all imperfections.

But of course, he, who makes me feel that I truly am.

A man whom I can come to when I'm lonely,

or disappointed, or angry, or frustrated,

and won't judge me for how I feel.

He, who would try to appease me

because he cares.

A man who does not hide the truth.

He, who is secured with the truth,

and prepared to face the truth.

A man who makes time for me,

who proves that he wants to be with me.

He, who makes way for us

without excuses, only pure desire.

A man who takes pride on my achievements

or little successes.

He, who supports my dreams,

and motivates me towards them.

A man who may lose his temper,

but does his best to keep his cool.

He, who, at the end of it all, prioritizes

to not hurt me in any way.

Most of all, a man who is decided to love me.

He, who stands by that decision

and would be happy to stay with me

come hell or high water.

I prayed for wisdom

I whole-heartedly pray for wisdom, Lord,

for I believe that everything starts with it.

This wisdom will give me faith - a strong one.

Because wisdom will say why I should believe.

This wisdom will teach me courage.

Because she will provoke me to do the right thing

and tell me why I must not fear.

This wisdom will give me strength,

strength to endure all suffering.

She will remind me why I should not give up.

This wisdom will give me happiness,

profound happiness.

Because she will keep good insights going in my mind.

This wisdom will give me peace,

a peace that can't be destroyed;

the kind that is impenetrable.

Because wisdom will serve as its shield.

Grant me wisdom, Lord.

But most of all, grant me unceasing love for it.

Amen.

I missed riding an airplane

When I was a kid, every time my eyes caught an airplane flying high in the sky, I would wonder how I'd be just like a speck of dirt or a dot from the eyes of those who peered out of their window that time. Then I would draw the shape of the slowly moving tiny figure in between my fingers, amazed by how a-once-gigantic vehicle suddenly turned measly and weak and manipulable on my fingertips.

And so, whenever my mother and I (or sometimes with my sisters and father too), rode an airplane, I usually would assert my way near the window. I was so excited to see the world at a top view that I could not afford to lose my chance.

Once the plane took off, I'd smile, brace myself and wait for the pressure to build in my ear. I would know that we were above the earth once things felt smooth underneath and my ears completely blocked. While faking a yawn, I'd turn my head towards the window. And alas! I'd see everything below suddenly turning into a wide doll world. The higher we got, the more slow-moving, easier and manageable things became.

I missed riding an airplane. Now that I've grown older, I feel like I've forgotten how things look from the top view. The world have gotten too big and complicated - sometimes, even too huge to understand. There are moments when I feel like the earth's above me, or at my shoulders, or like I'm buried deep in a mud. Everything has turned fast, difficult and overwhelming.

From time to time, I feel like I need to see that wide doll world again. I need to remember how it is to see at a top view, where everything's slow-moving, easy and manageable. However, this time, it's my life, my world that I want to look at. How does my world move, looking from the top view? How are my relationships going? How about my work? My school? My faith? My decisions? Myself? How about conflicts? Tasks? Responsibilities?

Probably, beholding life from above would make my hands seem big enough to do all the revamps - put houses in their proper places, turn buildings around, push mountains a little farther, re-paint walls with a single stroke and clean all trash with one grab. Yeah, just like that.

I missed riding an airplane, but I cannot now. However, I could close my eyes anytime and imagine myself going up, up and up! And perhaps, once I open my eyes, everything will seem possible.

Your mere abstraction

I don't know where you are now,

but I have my memories of you.

Anytime, I can close my eyes 

and in your mere abstraction,

I can draw the shape of your face,

your hair, your brows,

your eyes, your nose,

and your lips.

I can deeply breathe

and smell the scent of your skin

and your clothes.

I can lace the fingers of my hands together,

and feel the texture of your palm.

In my mind, I can ask you,

"How's your day?"

and hear your voice,

answering me back.

I can tell you my silly jokes,

and hear your crazy laughter.

Anytime, I can be 

with your mere abstraction,

for as long as I want to, and

just as long as I close my eyes.

In my mind, I can love you

as much as I want to,

and imagine you

loving me back.

You are free

You are free.

I'm untying the strings,

and releasing the chains.

I'm spreading my palms,

and loosening my grip.

Step out and see the world!

I'm unlocking the door for you.

It's about time that you get a hold

of that sort of freedom

which you lost and yearned

for a very long time.

The freedom to fly

and look at the world from above

after being caged for eight years.

The freedom to finally swim

the depths of the ocean

after a long period of containment.

The freedom to jump as high as you can!

And jump with others like you

on the endless width of lilies and water.

Ultimately, the freedom to just be 

whoever you want to be.

You are free!

Make good use of it.

Enjoy it. Don't worry!

As I, too, am free.